


on streets we call the zoo

by nex_et_nox



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Pets, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Semi-Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 13:03:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1899978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nex_et_nox/pseuds/nex_et_nox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When half the people on your team are named for animals, is it so surprising that they have pets?</p><p>(YES, according to Tony Stark.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	on streets we call the zoo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [burnhamofvulcan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/burnhamofvulcan/gifts).



It was a job and a half trying to convince the other Avengers to move in with him after New York, but Tony eventually had to concede defeat. They weren’t interested and he couldn’t convince them, so he just holed up in his lab with Bruce and sulked for days. Eventually, Bruce wanted to travel, too, so Tony went to Malibu and then _things_ happened and Tony came back to New York.

If the whole debacle with Extremis wasn’t bad enough, that’s when SHIELD was revealed to be, well, HYDRA. Which kind of sucked.

But at least Tony had an excuse to offer his space out to any of the Avengers who needed it, and all the work that he’d put into the Tower wasn’t wasted.

(Except _HYDRA_? Really, what the hell?)

* * *

 Unsurprisingly, Barton was the first to show up. He just kind of appeared in Tony’s kitchen one morning, banged up and grumpy, but otherwise okay. He also had a teenage girl and a dog in tow.

“Who?” Tony asked tiredly, rifling through cupboards for coffee. He’d run out in the labs. “What?”

“Tony, Kate Bishop, also known as Hawkeye. Kate, Tony,” Barton introduced.

Also known as Hawkeye? Wasn’t Barton – oh, whatever.

“And the mutt?”

“He’s not a mutt!” Barton said, affronted. “His name’s Pizza Dog.”

“Or Lucky,” Bishop said. “Or Arrow.”

“His name’s not Arrow, Kate,” Barton groaned. “Pizza Dog. I stand by the name Pizza Dog.”

“But it said Arrow on his collar when you found him—”

“Pizza Dog!”

Tony suddenly realized he wasn’t sure he actually wanted to live with other human beings.

* * *

 Romanoff was next. Like Barton, she simply appeared overnight.

“That was nice work you did in D.C.,” Tony tried to compliment her.

She hummed, still paging through her newspaper with one hand. The other was busy stroking the cat that was lying in her lap, like she was some kind of B-movie villain. She was even Russian, so it fit ridiculously well. Not that Tony would ever say so to her face.

When Tony asked about the cat, all Romanoff said was that it wasn’t hers. Which…? It was living in Tony’s tower? With Romanoff?

Tony retreated to his lab and just hoped that the cat didn’t throw up on anything.

* * *

 Bruce came back, without a pet.

Tony was relieved, until he found out that Bruce had an aquarium in his room. He’d apparently owned fish for several months and asked JARVIS to make sure that the automated food and filter systems were both running properly while he was away. All the fish were fine.

Tony sulked a little.

* * *

 Thor had been staying with his girlfriend Dr. Jane Foster in London, but Dr. Foster finished up her work and returned to the U.S. a few months after SHIELD’s collapse. Given Puente Antiguo was still trying to pull itself together – and that Thor had been one half of the equation to trashing it – he and Jane made a joint decision to move into the Tower with the rest of the Avengers. Tony got another scientist to conspire with, so it wasn’t like he could complain. Even Dr. Foster’s assistant was rather amusing, in her own way.

It was a very interesting day and a series of almost unbelievable events when they all found out that, no joke, Thor’s hammer was quasi-sentient. This, of course, made the pet tally four for four.

The only question was what Rogers would bring with him.

* * *

 Well, he brought Falcon with him, for one.

Sam Wilson had cookies that his mom made. She was overjoyed that he was finally back state-side and, you know, actually staying put somewhere again after D.C. and therefore…cookies. They were quite good.

The thing was, Tony had pegged Cap for a guy that would have a pet. Maybe a golden retriever? Anyway, he and Wilson had apparently spent months in and then out of the States on a “road trip” – Wilson’s words – and hadn’t quite found what they were looking for.

Cap looked unbearably sad.

* * *

 Tony may never have cottoned on, except for the fact that he kept such odd hours. Somehow, he always managed to come across Cap carrying sandwiches and water bottles and odd bits of food from the fridge out of the Tower.

He was _not_ paying too much attention to Cap, shut up.

Point being, Cap wasn’t eating the food himself, Tony was pretty sure. He always headed in the same direction with the food, down an alleyway fairly near the Tower, one that Tony knew hosted a pack of cats – a glaring? Wasn’t that what it was for cats? – that somehow continually avoided the animal shelter.

Ergo, Cap had a cat, or a lot of cats, and Tony could therefore probably expect them within a few weeks, as soon as Cap had earned their trust enough to move them to the Avenger’s Tower.

When the hell did Tony sign up to own a zoo?

* * *

 “That,” Tony said accusingly. “Is _not a cat_.”

Cap looked at him quizzically, while his companion shifted nervously behind him.

“…no?” Cap said slowly.

“You were giving food to cats for weeks!” Tony said. “With – the sandwiches and the water and –”

“I found Bucky,” Cap said, “and he didn’t feel comfortable around anyone, especially when I brought up living in the Tower, and he didn’t have any money, so I brought him food a lot and we…talked about things.”

“I gave some food to the cats,” Cap’s friend – Bucky – said. “One of them had kittens.” Something mewed from his jacket’s pocket.

“Buck,” Cap said, huffing a laugh.

“It was a runt. Its momma didn’t want it,” and Tony could hear the Brooklyn vowels suddenly, and then it was like something connected in his mind, but _no way_ — “I couldn’t just let it die, Steve.”

 _That is impossible_ , Tony thought. _No way is that Bucky Barnes._

* * *

Long story short, it was.

Barnes kept the cat. Cap flatly forbade him to name it Steve, so it ended up being named Catastrophe, simply so that Barnes could make terrible puns.

* * *

 

Half of the Avengers were named for animals anyway. This really shouldn’t have been a surprise to Tony. And yet somehow, it was.

Dummy whirred hopefully.

“No,” Tony snapped. “We’re not getting any more pets. And none of them are coming down to the labs!”

Dummy’s claw drooped.

* * *

 

Steve adopted a rabbit and named it Caerbannog, which just went to show that they should never have introduced him to Monty Python.

On a related note, Tony gave up and built a mechanical…thing…with wheels for Dummy to take care of and play with.

“I hate pets,” he groaned.


End file.
